Love, Your Favorite Granddaughter

As I was walking through town today, once again stuck behind old people walking SO slow (bad hips, bad ankles, underdeveloped calves, fluid in the knees, vertigo), I realized I don't necessarily love old people. Rough, I know. But seriously, old people are the worst! They're slow at all things, they do not/cannot/will not learn technology or anything new for that matter, and quite honestly, they can be kind of gross. You know what, you need to stop hating on me right this second! I'm allowed to feel this way! Besides, there are several old people I enjoy very much, one being Doyne (aka Grandma).

I adore Doyne with all my heart, but she really isn't making a good name for her peeps. Through her, I was able to get a glimpse into the life of the older generation and it is not pretty. I realize you're 85 years old and I just showed up at your house unannounced, but you're a hot mess! Lets class it up a bit Grandma, put your teeth in! Treat yourself and wear your teeth all day, even when company is not expected! I also understand you enjoy the taste of cottage cheese, but it doesn't need to be eaten for every meal. Despite what you say, I know it can't possibly taste good swirled around with all the other food on your plate. Nice try! **For the record, Doyne is actually very not gross and I thought she had things pretty well figured out.....until this happened.

I stopped by her house one day (when my Grandpa was still alive) and they were SO relieved to see me. It was the reaction I'd been waiting for my whole life, and then they told me they needed help. My uncle had bought them a "record player" (cd player) to listen to their music, but they couldn't get the "record" (cd) to work.

"We've tried everything. We've hit all the buttons, but we still can't hear any music."

I finally had a reason for living and was going to save the day, but then I couldn't get the "record player" (cd player) to work either. Embarrassing! I was ready to give up when I became curious as to exactly what kind of music my grandparents might be buying (I assumed something Lawrence Welk related), so I opened up the cd thing, and they had not bought any music at all. They had gotten a "free cd" in the mail, an AOL internet startup cd to be exact! They had literally been trying to get music to play for HOURS which totally boggles my mind.

So yeah, old people......

(This isn't Doyne, but these ladies probably pull the same shenanigans.)